We all know the power of music.  It has the power to move us to laughter, or tears.  It enfolds and comforts when we mourn.  It gives wings to our joy. We love through music.....and yes, we even hate through music.

Yet, it is only when the bard adds his words of poetry to the music that it takes on a life of its own.  Then there is no stopping its purpose.

The same artist responsible for the poem that I used for my Easter greeting, treated me to a song that he wrote only about a week before I ever new his name.  Yet this song set free memories locked away so securely that I believed I would never have to face them again and I realise that in the process it set me free from my fear of those very memories.  I listened to the song and at the end of it I sat there with tears streaming over my face. ( I do not cry.  My children would tell you that their mother cannot cry for they have never seen it happen.)

The name of the song is "Angel" and it was written as a love song.  I also experienced it as a love song, but a love of another kind.  I recalled very clearly the love that is called compassion and is found in friendship, of two angels that carried me to "heaven" on their wings when I found myself in "hell".

Not so many years ago that the wounds have healed completely, my world came crashing down within a very short conversation with one of my children.  Within minutes I found myself faltering on the brink of an abyss so deep it threatened to swallow our future.  I knew that only I could prevent my children and I from crashing over.  This left me utterly alone in a situation that I had no defence against....I could only watch it unfold an take it's course while trying to protect myself and my children from the falling debris.  I was facing a crisis too dark even to discuss with my sister, my brothers or my best friend.....and the one person that should have been there for me in crisis, was the reason for it.  For the first time in my life I experienced the absolute darkness of being alone in a world that just did not care....or so I thought.

This was when my two angels stepped in and, whether they ever realised it or not, daily carried me on their wings.  I have worked with both for a long time, but I did not really know either of them and they certainly did not owe me any consideration. By now the whole sordid story was all over the little town where we lived, and my workplace.  Needless to say that most of my co-workers, and especially the women,  reacted like vultures at the prey.  If it were not for my two angels, they would have picked the bones clean.

It started with my angels shielding me on the bus to and from work every day.  They positioned themselves around me in such a way that I was protected from the snickers and side-way glances of my fellow-passengers.  They would start up the silliest conversations to make me laugh and on other days, they would just sit there quietly encouraging me with their very presence.

One seemed to know from a distance when the world was folding in on me and he would turn up in my office and literally gather me up in his arms as if he was the father and I the heartbroken child.  The only man, except my brother,  in whose arms I could ever sob my heart out. The other, who worked in a section quite a distance away, would find some excuse, some time during everyday, to come to my office building and just look in on me for whatever reason.  Never during all this time did either of them questions me on the situation - they were far to considerate and respectful to submit me to admitting my shame and hurt to them.  They were just there.  Guarding and comforting.

As with all things, this crisis also came to pass, and even though I knew they did not agree with the ultimate decisions I made, they unobtrusively, without any judgement, withdrew until we were back to the normal state of affairs as if what was, never happened....but I believe a bond was forged that nothing would ever break, no matter how many years passed or how the distance grew.  We all moved on and over time I locked away the memories very carefully for I knew that those memories, both so harrowing and so precious to me, had the power to hurt the people I love most.

Then came Randy's "Angel".

Somehow, in an inexplicable manner and in a moment, it unlocked those memories.  I know now that it is time to face these memories and deal with them.  They are part of my past that defines my present and future. 

It is time to thank my two angels, Mossie and Chris, for carrying me daily to a "heaven" while I was living in a "hell".  The words "....there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" comes to mind.

The opening line in Randy's song asks:

 "Do you believe in angels?" 
 Yes.  I do.
 I know two personally.

"...when I was crying,

from all the pain life brings,
God sent an angel to carry me
to heaven....on her wings"

"...now my heart is grateful.
I'll take on what life brings,
God sent an angel to carry me
to heaven.....on her wings

He sent you to carry me to heaven....on your wings."

(Randy, I guess that makes you an angel also.........thank you brother.)


Gaelyn said...

I believe music can reach in so deep as to touch the depth of our souls.

I'm sorry for your pain, and happy angels helped you through.

The time has to be right to face some memories or we'd learn nothing.

Hugs to you my friend. Thank you for sharing.

A human kind of human said...

Thank you Gaelyn. There was a time when I believed I would never talk about that time ever again, and having the courage to write about it.....and actually post it.....is quite an achievement for me.