Christmas is a time for giving, a time for loving, a time for sharing. It is a time of expectation and excitement and hope and faith and love. It is a time when families and friends get together to bury grudges and to forgive wrongs. It is the season of hapiness, of peace and of joy.
Then why am I not experiencing all the above?
I love my husband and I love my children, but right now, my one wish for Christmas is to wrap them each individually in beautiful Christmas wrapping, tie a colourful ribbon around each lovingly wrapped package, and post them to someone else until after Christmas. I will then spend Christmas in the quiet of my own home missing them but at least there will be no bickering, pretending, no selfish demands, and no competing for centre stage.
Don't get me wrong. I do not think that my family is more selfish or demanding than other families, and yes I am part and parcel of my family, it is just that this year I recognise the fact that all the Christmas joy and cheer is often only skin deep and I do not enjoy coming out of the season bruised and battered emotionally from trying to maintain a veneer of peace and love and joy.
I want honesty in Christmas this year. For instance, I do not want presents that will put the givers in debt, I do not want presents that is given simply because it is the thing to do and I do not want to give presents that will put me in debt or that I do not truly want to give. I do not want to pretend that all is peace and hapiness while I still feel like taking hold of some members of my family and shaking them untill their senses drop into place. I also want my family to be honest and tell me if, when and what I do wrong them and how we can fix it. I want us to stop the pretending and just be who and what we are... a normal family with normal issues and hangups and problems.
I want Christmas to be simple, honest and over. I want 2010 to roll on so that we can all get back to our normal selves, living our normal lives, with our normal problems and issues... that I can cope with!